Dear my past self

Hi, my past self.

You must be surprised, because among all people, I, the me that you will become, am the first one who sent a letter to you. You always hate “cheesy” stuff, so I don’t think you have ever expected this. But believe me, I don’t write this because I want to.

Hey me, at that time, what do you want to be?

To be honest, although I’m your future self, I cannot remember what I have wanted to become. However, I’m sure that if you see me right now, you will punch me immediately.

Do you know where I am when writing this letter for you?

Well, of course you don’t know this place, because at that time, it didn't even exist. I’m sitting in the library of VinUniversity, a private university that has international study programs, or, in other words, your most-hated  type of school.

I remember, you are a very stubborn kid. Our parents always want you to study in an international school, because one, they have enough money, and two, they want to give you the greatest, most modern study program, in the most beautiful environment. But you, on the other hand, only accept public school, even though that school has a ceiling fan held by only a fragile wire, a toilet which comes from your worst nightmare, and some “great” teachers with the trauma still tingling until now. Do you remember the ridiculous and meaningless effort you did just to make your parents allow you to go to public schools? And the laugh of people around you when they know it?

Well, we cannot blame them, because you never let them know how that “rich kid” label torture you in the past, and so am I.

Think carefully, my dear self. Do you really hate international schools, or do you only hate that label? Both of us know the answer, we just don’t want to admit it. You always like that, hate sharing, hate crying, prefer holding all the problems to yourself rather than asking for help, because you are a perfectionist, and to you, a perfectionist must know how to do everything, even though it makes you stressed as hell.

Hey, my past self, are you afraid that that viewpoint of yours would be changed in future?

If you do, then don’t worry, your future self is still living like that. The only thing changed is you don’t know how to fix it, and I don’t want to fix it. Your future self has become a hopeless workaholic already.

Regarding VinUni, actually, I didn’t go here because I wanted to.

As usual, my application was another trick from our beloved mom, and I don’t even know why I was accepted. Our family was very happy about it...well, except for me. To me, it’s like the nightmare that I do everything to avoid has returned with stronger power. You know it, right? Yes, the “rich kid”nightmare.

I can imagine your disgusted face toward me, because it’s also my expression. I used to disgust myself a lot, thinking that I am a useless, lazy, good for nothing person, a parasite of our family, cannot make money, cannot love anyone, cannot love even myself. I tried my best not to do “the-thing-you-already-know”, just for doing the exam again, so I can transfer to one of the medical public schools that you always dream of. But, for some reasons, I’m still here, in this private international school, typing these pointless sentences for you, only to tell you that: I don’t regret going to this school.

Yes, I agree that I am good for nothing. I cannot gain a scholarship, even a grade higher than 90. I have taken many different jobs: waiter, designer, writer, translator, artist, blah blah blah, but still can’t afford to live on my own. My friends will soon graduate and become great people. I, on the other hand, will be here for at least 10 more years, using our parent’s money and trying to not fail any subjects again.

That’s your most-despised kind of adult, right? But hey, both of us have forgotten something.

I...We are medical students. It would be strange if we can ever make as much money as a business student, and for your information, the fact that I can still take that many jobs while not failing any subject is already impressive.

Does that make me a better person? No, obviously. But at least, it tames my soul a little bit.

Oh, by the way, I have good news for you.

I'm a Kendoka now.

Remember it? Kendo! The sport that you found the most interesting one, but don’t know how and where to start. In VinUni, there is a club named VinUni Kendo Club (VinKenC, yes, I know, it’s not a good name :) ), and I am a part of them. Our parents still mock me, as usual, but whatever, I don’t care anymore. Also, they are the ones who forced me to go to this school, so they must appreciate it instead. I’ll tell you the story of VinKenC later, but now, I can say that it is the biggest factor that keeps me in VinUni. It is a promise of me with a person I respect a lot, so I will do everything to keep it alive.

VinKenC is the biggest factor, but besides it, there are a lot of interesting things in VinUni. Your medical program is designed in three languages, your best friend can become your boss anytime, you will know why your parents look so stressful when doing paperwork, because getting money from the bourgeoisie is a real battle. You can also make your own money, not much, but enough to accomplish some things on your dream checklist, for example, buying presents for your close ones. Above all, here, there is no one taunting you anymore. They will see you as yourself, not “a kid of your parents’”, which is what you are urging for, don’t you? So believe me, although this place is not perfect, you won't regret coming here.

Thank you, my dear past. Thank you for not giving up. I know you would be disappointed about me, but I promise, just like you, I will not give up, and will continue to fight until my last breath.

So, my future self, please write a letter to me someday. Please prove to us that our efforts are not in vain.

Sincerely,

VinUnians.